I did tried to let you go, but I failed many, many times.

I really did try to let you be back, in your single life, and take it a nothing ever has happened between us, but no matter how hard I tried, no matter how many times I cried, I just can't do so. I just can't let you go yet, no matter what situation you put me into.

Today you have successfully made me smile stupidly facing my phone, facing my laptop. To be honest, you have also successfully make me feel happy and appreciated today.

I appreciate the time that you have spent with me, and most importantly those times that you are willing to waste it, purposely just to spend some time with me. Even while you are having lunch today, you keep on chatting with me, by doing so, you already make me so happy.

Every time when I miss you, I think about how you make me smile without even seeing me, then everything will be just fine. I know before this, I've made you sad by thinking nonsense and also for not trusting you, but right now, I just want you to know that Iloveyou and I will never want to lose you to anybody right now at this moment.

I am looking forward for many more holidays with you, where we could spend most of our times together, sticking together. Always remember that I will try my best to love you as long as I can.

Iloveyou babu

Thanks, Sorry, Love, Vow

Thanks for every single thing that you have done for me all this while.
Thanks for your non-stop love for me, every single day.
Thanks for taking care of me, when my mummy is not around.
Thanks for taking me go window shopping, and sometimes take me go shop.
Thanks for sleeping with me and making me safe the whole night long.

Sorry for sometimes, being a girlfriend that you will hate and the one that you dislike.
Sorry for sometimes, being a selfish one. Actually a very selfish one.
Sorry for crying when I should enjoy every single moment that I have with you.
Sorry for asking ridiculous things, most of the times.
Sorry for asking very very stupid question, before we both go to sleep.
Sorry for not being the most perfect girlfriend that you want to have.

I love you, for no matter what happens, in the near future.
I love you, as long as you still loves me.
I love you, as long as you do not forget about me, not even for a second.
I love you, no matter how bad you are, or how good you are.
I love you, no matter how big is your changes, while being a better one.

I vow to love you, as long as I can.
I vow that after this, I will be a better one for you.
I vow to take care of you, when I can do so.
I vow to listen to you, if whatever you say is right.
I vow to get married to you and give birth for you, if we ever reach that stage.

Iloveyou, babu

Insecurities

You know, I always have a thought. A thought that most of the times make myself to be scared all over again, and the only way to make myself to fall asleep is by crying and falling asleep with those tears and a wet pillow.

I've got no guts to tell you this. Remember I said, I am scared most of the time, is because the memories that I had with the guy before you? Actually, I lied. It's not because of that. It's mostly because of the family situation that I am having. I am seriously very scared that someday after we get married (if we ever reach that stage), I will end up, exactly like my mum.

I don't know and I dare not to think if I will ever have cute little kids bearing your surname one day, in future. You know, all those beautiful memories we had all these while, really makes me smile, whenever I think about it. You know, you never fail to put a smile or make me laugh whenever I don't feel like smiling.

To be honest, nowadays without you and with you so busy with your work, myself busy with work and also preparing myself to get back to college, time spent together, I would say from 12 hours together a day, now it becomes 4 or 5 hours together? I don't know, I don't wish to know how long we get to spend our time together. I've been always trying my very best not to feel scared or to cry whenever I got the time to spend it with you, but eventually no matter how hard I tried, I fail most of the times.

Insecurities, is my biggest problem right now. All I need to solve this problem is just a tight hug from you will do. A very tight one. Having one of your hugs, is the best medication for me, maybe also for my sickness (if I really do have one).

At Times

I know, I should understand how tired you are after work, everyday. But, please forgive me that sometimes, when I feel everything is not right, I tend to behave badly and I know you wouldn't like it. I'm sorry. 

Maybe I shouldn't have doubt toward this, but I wish you'll know what I was thinking while I was on my home from work. I was having doubt on whether are you really that busy or I don't know, busy with something that you should never be busy with? I'm really sorry for having this on my mind just now, but when you didn't reply me (not that I want to have a 24/7 kind of conversation), I feel uneasy. Very very uneasy. My mind begins wander around all those unnecessary things which ended up getting myself to be sad and maybe crying all night. I don't know why, but it seriously does make me feel uneasy. 

Please, really don't make me regret after I gave my everything to you and also please never never betray me dear. You know I will never get to live my life, after you leave. So, please love me with all the heart that you've got with you and please remember that I will always love you, maybe even after you asked me to stop loving you one day? 

And just one request, please do think of me whenever you're free? I just want to know that I am on your mind all the time. You know, just by seeing your message sometimes, or most of the times I would say, it really does make my day. Guess, you'll never know how little things you did for me, will make me happy. Just remember that I am a spoil baby for you but by being together with you, is all I need. I only need you, yes ONLY you. 

Surprises

Ever wonder how surprises could change your mood, like instantly? Yup, I've taste the excitement few days ago, thanks to my other half.

All he did was simple. He just bought me a Secret Recipe's Oreo Cheesecake, which I've been craving for since the last time we went out dating. It wasn't like it the movies, but it is already more than enough to make me realize that I am on his mind all the time. Thanks a lot for appearing in my life, dear. You meant a lot to me.

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Changes?

Question: Will you change for your other half, if they requested you to change or if they wish you were that someone that he or she saw while you guys were dating?  

Answer: If they truly love you, they will not ask you to change yourself for them. But, if by changing myself can make my other half to be more happy, I will try my best to change myself into that someone.