Forever?

Should I lie about my trust toward the word "Forever"? I don't wanna hurt myself by believing in that word anymore. But, the fact is you made me trust it. And I can't find any reason to deny or to say not to this word. Not this time. 

Sincerely. 

yenn :)

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry for how I reacted yesterday. I know I shouldn't behave like that, but I just can't help myself but to react like that. I'm really sorry. I know you would like to comfort me by telling me that everything would be just fine, even it's not for later in the future but it would be just fine for now.

The chance last night was once in a blue moon chance. I know I should appreciate that chance a lot, but I just behaved the way both of us hated the most. You said it's okay and stuffs like that, but to me it's not that okay. I ruined everything. The chance to have some private little time with you, the chance to appreciate you better and everything.

I was guilty for what I've done. Even you said I'm forgiven, I still can't stop blaming myself. You said you didn't get to enjoy the time we spent together that much, and I know it's because of me. I was scared for the whole day long. From morning all the way till evening. Like you said, I get more scared when we both are together, alone.

There's actually a few times I would cry if there wasn't any people around us. But, luckily I did managed to hold it up till I'm all alone. You said you wanna comfort me the next time I cry, right? So, hold on to me as you'll have that little chance to comfort me. I need you to comfort me every single time, not only when I'll cry. I know you would and you could do this, but I just wish it could really last forever and ever. For now and for forever.

You said you might not be the best for me whenever you see me like that. But, you know that I really appreciate you more than I wanted too. It's just that I'm might not be the perfect one for you. Yet. No, not now. Maybe later? After a few couples of years time? And in the mean time, of course I would really appreciate you for all I want, and also as much as you really do.

And I didn't have the chance to say thanks to your kisses yesterday. So, I would like to say thank you to you through my post here. I know you just feel like to do it, and so you really did it. Thanks for those comforting kisses on my foreheads, my face and everything. Thank you so much.

I'm really sorry again for how I reacted and what I did till it ruined your mood yesterday. I will appreciate you as much as you're appreciating me. Sorry and thank you for the memory that we both had when we are together. I love you.

Sincerely,

yenn :)

About Us

I know you won't see this post, unless I ask you too. I just feel like telling you about everything here. Even, I might eventually forget to ask you to see it for yourself. Look, I'm really very grateful because after you came  in to my life, everything seems a little bit easier for me, compared to the times when I was all alone walking on this planet Earth.

I still remember the silly conversations we were up to before we're in one piece. We used to play each other, joke with each other and tease each other. I still remember how I wake you up to study, how I want you to wake me up too for my tuition. Those days was like our best memory while we're still siblings to each other. I told some of my friends that I eventually wake you up on that particular morning just because you wanna study, and they said we both will ended up being together.

I still remember how I answered them, by saying, "Don't be silly. We are just brother and sister after all. Nothings gonna happen to both of us. Really. Nothing. I won't hope for that much as I would get myself hurt again, which I don't want too." Come to think bout how we really meet up, there's really no word to describe it. Everything comes into a connection because I was brave enough to take the first step, which I had always refuse too. Really thanks to my so-called braveness that time.

I'm the one who asked for his phone number. I'm the one who approached him and say that I'm full of scars. I'm also the one who firstly said "I Love You" to him. See? Everything begins because of me. And he in the same way, accepts me just the way I was. Not wanting me to change to the way that he would like it. He just get along with me so damn well. And I really appreciate him a lot. A lot. And I guess he appreciate me that much too.

Till now, I did wonder where did all those braveness came from? Those braveness was the main thing that got us attached to each other now. I used to cry myself to sleep before I was attached to him, every single night. I admit I still cry myself to sleep now, but it's because I'm scared that I would hate the word "Forever" again. It does take me this long (upon after how I recover) to make myself believe in that word again. I did believe it before this, but thanks to someone who ruined it.

And now, you. You made me believe in that word, so please don't make me hate that word any longer. I said I want only you to hug me till I really fall asleep every night, and I really mean it. I don't want anybody else except you to hug me to sleep. From the very beginning, you know you can make me believe in that word, it's just that I'm the one who refuses to believe it. So, now. You made me believe it and also please make sure you remember every single promise you made to me. Will you?

To end my story here, I would like to say thanks to you again for accepting me just the way I am. Even when I'm full with scars. Just want to say I really appreciate you a lot. Wish to have you forever and ever. Thanks again. Love you.

Sincerely, 

yenn :)