You know, I always have a thought. A thought that most of the times make myself to be scared all over again, and the only way to make myself to fall asleep is by crying and falling asleep with those tears and a wet pillow.
I've got no guts to tell you this. Remember I said, I am scared most of the time, is because the memories that I had with the guy before you? Actually, I lied. It's not because of that. It's mostly because of the family situation that I am having. I am seriously very scared that someday after we get married (if we ever reach that stage), I will end up, exactly like my mum.
I don't know and I dare not to think if I will ever have cute little kids bearing your surname one day, in future. You know, all those beautiful memories we had all these while, really makes me smile, whenever I think about it. You know, you never fail to put a smile or make me laugh whenever I don't feel like smiling.
To be honest, nowadays without you and with you so busy with your work, myself busy with work and also preparing myself to get back to college, time spent together, I would say from 12 hours together a day, now it becomes 4 or 5 hours together? I don't know, I don't wish to know how long we get to spend our time together. I've been always trying my very best not to feel scared or to cry whenever I got the time to spend it with you, but eventually no matter how hard I tried, I fail most of the times.
Insecurities, is my biggest problem right now. All I need to solve this problem is just a tight hug from you will do. A very tight one. Having one of your hugs, is the best medication for me, maybe also for my sickness (if I really do have one).
