What's Wrong?

Can someone please tell me what is wrong with me? I don't quite get myself these days. Everything seems to get out of my way no matter how well I planned it at first. No matter how hard I tried to face it, I can't. I might seems strong in the outer, but the truth is I'm so damn weak in the inner part of me. Maybe it's because of the exam that's already round the corner. Or even maybe I tend to slack off a little bit (at first), and now I can't find back those tiny little bits of pieces to stick myself back together. I don't feel like leaving everyone else and stick to myself again, like last year. Just like what Kristine said before this, that kind of feeling is really annoying for those who doesn't understand your condition.

Every single person in my life, like for example, my mum, my uncle, my aunts and my friends, they seemed to have a high expectation on me no matter what I'm doing. To them, especially in studies, I'm the best, I think. It's just my point of view. They made me feel that I'm already a damn perfect person and because of that reason, I slacked off. Sometimes, I really wish a shooting star could appear right in front of me and let me make a wish. A wish that could make myself back together in one piece. Can someone please do me a favor and find back my pieces and kindly stick those parts together so that I could be myself again?

Dear God. Sometimes I do wonder, You created so many living creatures but what's the use of it? And have You ever wondered if you insert a 'Pause' button in everyone's life, us, as part of the living creatures would be VERY thankful and grateful to You. Do You know that? -.-

Must we as human, rest once in a while? I mean really once in a while. It's because I didn't really rested before, I mean like now. Leaving all my work behind and my mind started to think bout my studies, but I don't have the guts to do it. My mind also starts to think, once I rest this time, no matter how long it would take, my studies will be dropping or rolling down the ramp eventually. And if I still don't get back up right away, no one can ever help me anymore. Not even myself. Even if I really rest (exclude sleeping), once I'm freshen up, I've got the guts to study. But now, where's the gut? Where has it gone when I need it the most? Where are you, guts? Where? Where are you? I NEED you now, right here, right now.

Maybe as what my brother said to me at Facebook, I'm just too tired of pushing myself to the max that I could. And also I should go and rest myself. A REAL rest. After talking to him and spitting out everything that's in my mind, I feel better. Much better. Let's hope that I'll have the guts and the motivation to study tomorrow and always stay with me.

To guts and motivation : Please come back and find me tomorrow after your 'holiday' which freaks the hell out of me. Please REMEMBER to stay with me tomorrow. I don't wanna be a lost girl again, without both of you by my side. Thank you. -.-

And to those readers out there, thanks for reading my text this time. It's really just a kind of way I release my stress, I guess. Sorry if my text above bothered you guys or something. It's just a way I tell my feelings, so don't get the wrong side of my point. Thank you for reading again.

Sincerely,

yenn :)